EH this image quite handsome ah P.S i'm not mad k , just adding some fun hahahahahaha

hello you.  this post is for you~ i have no idea if you still bother reading but I'm posting anyway.

It've been slightly more than a month since we parted and things went on better than i expected. still , not forgetting the worst march holiday/week of my life. Seriously , it was taunting no fking joke.

I guess , i think i actually did make a lil barrier for myself subconciously because it didnt feel as bad as then . but i still hate how you handled things, too fickled too casual.

I understand that you do not want to hurt me and wouldn't want to say it in my face that you do not feel the same / you got bored / you just don't need me anymore /I'm tired of this etc etc.and i gave you the week , the hell week for you to think things thru and maybe even come up with a script. and what did i get on the actual break up day ? Responses like "say what?" "i don't know what to say" "i don't know how to say" and worst of all SILENCE. and  I had to prompt you like an examiner with a student during oral examinations. It would have hurt less if you didn't do it that way .seriously , fcuk you for that.

If you are reading.. are you boiling mad now or filled with guilt. i can picture you in both ways . but pardon me for being rude, i just had to do it , it's not nice having it lingering within me.

however, if you are reading and if you still actually do care, i would appreciate a letter at least to explain things properly , fully, about when where what how and a more detailed why. okay maybe that's demanding but just something to let me reassure me that the past 3 months ain't just a facade , that it is real.

I am being confident to eradicate the possibility of you never actually loved me before but still i can't help it but to think that way . but with that, everything wouldn't make sense anymore....

And for all the the time we have spent together , i dare say they are the best (excluding those when your phone seems to be more important than i am-.- and please spare yr next girlfriend from that ).And thank you for being by me, all your fullest support and for believing in me.

And if you actually EVER wondered if i missed you , yes i do. (how eerie can it be you just signed into windows messenger :/) and cliche/silly it may be but i really really really wonder if you EVER EVER missed me/wished we didn't part /want to speak to me/want to cuddle with me.

though most of me thinks that's a definite no , but there's still a little part of me thinks that you do and i hope you did. judging from your tweets and all it just proves my no but i did love to think that there's more to you than your tweets in fact i strongly believe so .but then again... aiyo-.- how bout you just tell me, DO YOU?! hahahaha

and strangely enough i am confident in dating you again sometime in the future or maybe even eoy but i am fully aware of how it would be like if you actually block that possibility out or maybe even hate me. but this isn't my main concern for now anyway

okay ,i am shortening the duration i have to get over you (supposedly by june) but now it should be by mid-may. This sort shouldn't be controlled but i'm sick and tired of being stupid. this will mean , deleting everything that has sth to do with you - pictures , kakao convo etc. okay maybe i shan't delete all the pics , i should save it somewhere on my comp or sth. but the convo needs to be deleted because bleeding me with moodswings will be tempted to read it and it is mothereffing unhealthy . and when i am finally done , please do not avoid me, i'd love to be your friend yknow, anytime.

And for this one last time, stay brilliant , i genuinely want you to be happy , #cfc to win , you doing well in your school work , your team doing well , your mummy to be proud of you , your kor kor to be healthy , your sissy to be talking pooj language with you , your daddy to be alright , your oldest kor to succeed and your botak kor to be free from emo . I love you for this okay , how you are happy because others are and seeee! i'm learning from you , so if you want me to be happy (i'm pretty sure you do) , be the ever so happy j and don't ever ever ever.. give up alright!

And if you actually ever wished to come back i'd be welcoming you with open arms but only after 8th Nov -.- k la , i will woo you kkkk last dec you were successful and this dec my turn k , 21st century alr, father can marry daughter me wooing you won't be anything big right? HAHAH kk nonsense. and thank you for  congratulating once again . (:

see ya Boy ~

hahaha what a lame title ~

Hello readers, meet my team, the bdivision national champions.

Yes, to many, the win will just be normal. Why? Cause we are singapore SPORTS school. We train twice a day yada yada.

For that, i cannot deny. However, people underestimate the shit we go through everyday ; the fatigue , the moodiness , the overwhelming feeling to give up , the scoldings , the judging etc etc. Please remember, Sports school students are also humans. We do not skip tough parts , absolutely not. This victory is sweet , sugar! From the times under Coach Robin till Nory takes over. all the adaptations , complaints and perspiration , we got it, we won it. My first ever national title and might even be the last because what lies ahead is filled with uncertainty , okay now that's another story.

But whatever it is , I would like to express my grattitude to everyone who made this win possible and also allowing me to be part of this brilliant team .

Firstly, too all my teammates since i was p4 till today. You guys are the guides to where I am today for netball is a team sport and it wouldn't be possible for me to work alone and i will always rmb each and everyone of you ( i try) because you've made a difference in my life

Then, to the sec 3s. you've guys have gone thru a major set back in sec 2 and there is no clear reason why you should workyour ass off to help this team but you've found the reasons and worked so hard to be great competitions for us during training and also pushing each and everyone of us on.

next , For those who didn't make the team , you are the ones i respect most. Agonizing , pain , frustraion , useless , all these unbearable feelings must have been boiling inside you. and some comments some of you made will forever remain in my head , not because you were rude but to remind me each time to do my best and to not let you guys down. i know it ain't all that easy to be genuinely happy for us because afterall it's still something we have all been working for . But i love you all, really. as time passes i've got no idea how exactly to interact with some of you because I'm just too afraid of saying the wrong stuff but really ,i love you.

team,my lovely team. you've guys have been great and i really really enjoyed being part of you. the progression we made thruout the seasons, simply amazing. This team will never be back again due to some age diff but i believe the spirit of us will always be there acting as an inspiration or simply just me in reminiscence. This win is deserving and may all of you press on and do well in whatever we have to!

Noraidaaa~ You are just..... the best. really, i can never speak enough of you because the great things you do are never ending. I know ive been saying this a lot but i am really going to miss you deeply , next year and the years to come. your guidance will always remain for you have made me a greater person/player. Your passion will always ride on with me wherever i go and be there as my motivator . You are one influential lady. may things go on smoothly for you please..

Yes reds '12 , you are the reason why I am still hanging on everyday and thank you for making any kindof pain more bearable than it should be. I will miss you .

Semis this tuesday will be against Nanhua. According to stats ,we should be able to clear them . But we need to play well, play hard. trained with nike on thursday and we were giving them a good fight! a lot better than the very first time we played them! It's really great to see us improving and growing stronger as a team. Though we are all from different levels, there wasn't any conflicts or whatsoever but just a team , driven for the same goal. National Champs, that is it. we want it, more badky then the other teams. We play quality netball , ran up down hill , having 3 trainings and all , we worked for it and we are going to get it yes we will !

Keep going everyone , Keep going ! Final week , final lap .

Hello Onsugar. (: Haven't been posting here because I'm starting to post on tumblr. All because i can post on tumblr more easily thru my itouch haha

Anyway, I've been good ,really. Sheeding less tears than i expected. Thou sometimes , i feel so damn sad but i just can't cry. I just can't. Maybe because I'm having too many things in mind. Not exactly too many , just goals, great goals. I dread the days when trainings die out and i have more time alone. Thou i have lots already now , but i have books to keep my mind off things.

Thankfully.

okie. just know that i'm good. last quarter finals match on this coming monday, hope things will go on smoothly like it have been.

Hungry for National Champs, totally starving...

Day 1 without you. hahahaha It isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Thou, i kept thinking that we can be tgth after Os, after you are done with sch too. haha though it is uncertain but at least, it keeps me going. I'm sorry if i am making such silly decision on my own.

On MC! Stomach virus. -.- it sucks, it made me feel worst... I'm just done with Laughing sir. Completed till the last episode. It's sad how Madam Jo died for laughing and how crippled act like he betrayed ke ke!

but then again , i realised, the one alive is more miserable than the one dead. no wait, i didn't realised, i merely confirmed it. In fact, it is why I keep going because i cannot afford to let my parents down. And also, why i should never stop working because i never want you to feel the guilt of hurting me. Whatever it is, i know whatever we shared was real. This time wasn't the same as previous. It was more serious to me, more hopes pinned on it .And therefore, i'm not giving up it's just that it isn't the right time.

It's also a practice for my self-control for my discipline. Challenging. As much as i whine and moan, i fucking love challenges. It keeps my mind thinking and in fact that's why I am always late. because i love to rush, in the sense that i love how it is like to challenge time. Thou i am frquently late but i really enjoy those journeys best , it's upbeat. Okay this is weird, i don't really know how to explain it fully but yeah.

Keep going, Thank you for the memorable moments.

HI so yeah, as expected. everything er ended. hahahhaha but i'm glad. Friends. yes, we can!

My bro picked me up from the bus stop and asked if im okay. hahaha i said I'm afraid i cannot do well for Os . hahah he spoke to me quite abit and i finally found out more about him. i love him yknow. He's so capable , just needs the aim! hahaha

Okay so, I'm all happy. and thinking of getting a new phone to catch up with the world ! did quite abit of work this hols considering my schedule. hahaha but have to start studying hard and SMART. yes , Os Os Os. It ain't that tough its pure hard work! GO GO GO!!

Anyway , i got into 17s. Pretty happy thou i would be happier if some other people got in to.. i mean. they are great players. Yknow how dejecting it is for them? haha whatever!

Nationals starting on Tue! 3pm @KALLANG DAFUGGGG hahahahahahha okay

tataaaa!

I feel you even though we're apart
And without you there's a hole in my heart
Oh, baby, baby, though I tried I just can't adjust
Oh boy, what happened to us, happened to us, happened to us?

We were in love, we both felt the same
The good thing that we had boy was insane
We had a bond that would never break

Why we let it go?
Oh, we used to stay all night long kissing to our favorite songs
Tell me where it all went wrong
That's what I got to know, oh, whoa, oh

'Cause I feel you even though we're apart
And without you there's a hole in my heart
Oh, baby, baby, though I tried I just can't adjust
Oh, boy, what happened to us, happened to us?

Thought that I could get over you
Oh, but baby, that is so far from true
Oh baby, baby, got something I want to discuss
Oh boy, what happened to us, happened to us, happened to us?

I think that we ought to gotta work it out
Like air your love, I can't live without
So have mercy, don't leave me in doubt
I love still hurts
(Still burns, still burns)

I try to go my separate way
At first I thought it was okay
I miss you more with each day so to you I turn

'Cause I feel you even though we're apart
And without you there's a hole in my heart
Oh baby, baby, though I tried I just can't adjust
Oh boy, what happened to us, happened to us?

Thought that I could get over you, oh
But baby, that is so far from true
Oh baby, baby got something I want to discuss
Oh boy, what happened to us, happened to us, happened to us?

I know that you saw me with someone else
But believe me I'm over myself
Oh, yeah, yeah

'Cause I feel you even though we're apart
And without you there's a hole in my heart
Oh baby, baby though I tried I just can't adjust
Oh boy, what happened to us, happened to us?

Thought that I could get over you, oh
But baby, that is so far from true
Oh baby, baby, got something I want to discuss
Oh boy, what happened to us, happened to us, happened to us?
(Tell me, yeah)

'Cause I feel you even though we're apart
And without you there's a hole in my heart
Oh baby, baby though I tried I just can't adjust
Oh boy, what happened to us, happened to us?
(What happened to us?)
Oh boy, what happened to us, happened to us?

[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/j/jessica-mauboy-lyrics/what-happened-to-us-... ]

hey all my lovely readers, I'm sorry but if I've promised earlier in any posts that I'm not gonna emo anymore , I am. haha

6 days. killed me a lil everyday inside. Gloomy in training, gloomy at home , it literally felt like everyday was raining. yes baby , if you walk away, everyday it will rain. how pathetic olivia. I told myself I'll be good , I'll be fine but i can't seem to get hold of my emotions. Just last night, it felt that i was in control and the next morning I feel like I could cry anytime. Why ...? what...? is there...?

Unanswered questions all around. i wish i had some ans, and i'm getting them tomorrow.

yes people, i brought all these upon myself . noone but myself to blame. i officially hate drastic changes but then again,

Thank you for the great times.

I miss you, see you tmr.

This suspense is killing meeeeee wooooohoooo but i'll be good yeeah i'll be fine (:

all the best dearest!

So what exactly went wrong, i really don't know. all i know is that there's this overwhelming horrible feeling within me right now. it hurts, so bad so bad. this wasn't how i am supposed to be. it is like a repeat of history but why did i let it happen. its not the end yet and i hope it wouldn't be. It's all so sudden , stay with me please. I'm sick and tired of people leaving...

Life is getting quicker each day. intensity constantly high so are my thoughts.but i like how this works! hard work and results. if i dont get it i try again. So much easier said . but i'm not giving up , not anytime soon.

Everything will get tougher but keep going, hang in there. things will get better one day. I have so much to prove this year, netball and studies. The final lap , the fastest yet most taxing one.

I can do it. You can do it.

Believe in yourself.

There will definitely be days when you find yourself useless and hopeless but hang in there. i think i've been feeling so a lot.

and you,

i dislike how things are now but i believe things will change. just a lil more effort please? just a little.

Have a little more faith, press on .

Wow, i haven't post on this for ages! School have been reall busy for me... zonals, tests, study.

everything is going in a speed of light. Sometimes i wish i could just sit and stop doing anything just for that one day.

But no, i have a goal to reach , i have something to prove and i have to work. Hard work isn't close to easy , it is already so difficult to start. But everyone have to got to believe, believe they can. i choose to believe i can even though i doubt myself a billion times afterthat but deep inside i know i can. You can do whatever you want too! Keep Going Keep trying keep believing.

And hey.

please stay. Thank you for everything. Things have been all good with you, nothing's better. Never are you gonna be a distraction but instead, you'll always be my motivation! Keep going lovely <3

Hello, Happy Chinese New year! this CNY have been alright. pretty special.been to places and met more people , important people.

Thursdayyyyy . Relapse LOL kidding. but i hate myself for that. its always there somewhere and i hate getting all sad. i'll get over it soon.

NORTH ZONE BEGINS.

yeah , first game on friday against Seng Kang Sec. cleareddd. I was having cramps and it sucks.Zzzzz

It'll be the 1st of feb next wed which means one month have passsed and its really fast! one month closer to chinese Os! i really dk how am i gonna take it but i'll be fine!

anddd hmmmmph! you are so special to me. I don't even know how to explain why. but thank god i have you around to make me feel a lil better sometimes. Thank you for making me feel so special and loved (:

trolololol. Week starting. Keep Working, keep going.

Be Stronger each day.

3rd week of school! So much happened and North Zone is starting next friday!

North Zone team is out

Aqilah ,Ting Fang , Avelyn , Syazana ,Yuan Min ,Dinah ,Regine, myself , Liz , Sya , Olivia Chen and Deborah

Its pretty sad for some of us. Unlucky .in fact i somehow wish i could give up my spot for another person. but i guess ,it must have been tough for Nory to pick with pressure from people around.

But for now, i just have to train hard , train for them! ya, we'll do well this year !

but its pretty annoying how some people just have to keep comparing nory's training with coach. its like they both have their strengths. its like so once you change a coach you'll keep sticking to old coach's style. Be Teachable that's how everyone learns n to better themselves!

Anyway, Have an awesome Chinese New year! :D

LOL you never ever let me off do you. till i get all submissive n then satrt saying that im all submissive . haha Fug the fugging off. I'm not giving in , i don't have to. besides there's nothing wrong.

Hello I've removed my chat box cause its full of problems please still do comment on any post if you feel like it. thank you (:

PARTAYEEEEEEE! no more :x

This first week of school , of 2012, many things happened.

Training under Noraida now, being pushed real hard and I realised how unfit i am! But i love going through the frustrating track trainings and push myself beyond what I can do. However , I am suffering from the fatigue from training. Falling asleep in class , being tired almost every single day. I hope its juts me getting use to it and I will soon settle down.

Having said all about how I am enjoying training, I kinda enjoy studying too. Going throught frustrations, lots of explanation and finally getting it! It's just really nice sometimes. I hope this positive attitude of mine stays, i need it to keep me going.

Having to complete all the given work till late and waking up early for morning training. Both of these seriously doesn't go well together but it is actually what we are all doing. and How.. how howw are we going to sustain it? how?

The NZ coach that was supposed to be here, backed out and so we are now left with one and only Noraida. It must have been really tough on her! And so the teachers spoke to me saying how i should step up in being a leader etc etc.

And council! Exco member ,they are expecting a lot aren't they? but sometimes I really just dislike working with certain people . And how? just shut up , listen and do. Some people are always right for some reason.

This is my last year in Sports School and i really want to end it off well.

Studying hard , training hard , step up in leading..

Good results , Playing well , be a good leader .

And how am i supposed to do all these at once? How....?

I really don't know but I'm trying , there is definitely a way and i'm going to make it out well (:

Anyway , i had a brilliant start to 2012.

& I am grateful for having amazing people around me.

dearest you , We'll make it through <3

Goodnight all.

Sorry for posting this a week after New Year but to all that reads , Happy New Year! May you have a Fruitful and memorable year ahead ! <3

This year is crucial , really is. On a serious note, it actually defines my future. Well, it may not be that serious but my results this year would define how hard I've got to work in future. & the thought of not being able to do well just kills me a little inside.

It's going to be tough, really tough but yeah, I'm up for it. Overcoming my lazy self, my unnecessary negative thoughts , the fatigue from training , my struggle to complete the work etc etc. so much more. But really , I've got to do all these well this time , this year , 2012.

I know , I am going to be alright somehow , this final year, the sprinting round, I've go to push on like i never did.

Keep Going everyone, Don't ever fucking give up ,

Happy 2012 once again.

Or will people just give up and go away? It's 3 and I'm watching this drama . the twist of events in this drama makes me think ,think ,think and think. It's not as simple as it seems . its gonna be so tough so tough but this time i seem to really want it. which is dangerous because if it fails, it's gonna hurt so bad , so bad.

but that's the price for it right?

Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas like i did. <3

15th is over. 16th is over. the party is over. Well, i feel all free all of a sudden. That night was great. Many shit that happened. but i guess it was all worth while. Pretty good experience. All young and all we ask for is fun. It should only happen once in awhile though, too many is unhealthy.

For now, i really dk what to expect for whats gonna happen next year. one thing i know, i do not look forward to it. Seriously, reflecting on whatever that happened this year. I dislike how i handle many stuff that happened. On the other hand, I am quite happy with all the changes that took place in my life thisyear. i've learnt so much more and from so many little things. Oh well, Lets just hope for the best next year!

Recently, I've been thinking much less. Which is quite nice. but i guess its cause its the holidays and i don't have much to think about! And i hope i'd be able to sustain it. because it sucks to think..that..much.

okay i'm watching ghetto justice. damn lazy to continue for todayyy nighttt!

I went through  leadership workshop conducted by halogen foundation. Day 1 ,we were told to come back the next day with a 3 minutes speech about anything with a vison so i choose to write on "Helping the poor" . i managed to complete it during my mrt ride from bishan to school. hehehe so this is it!

Helping the Poor

Money don't last forever and i'm sure everyone have experienced being out of money and at the same time in need of it. The overwhelming frustration when you really need a few more dollars or even cents to get your favourite snack.It happens to fortunate people like us once in awhile because we can't really control our use of money .

However , Have you ever stopped and feel for the less fortunate? Well let me tell you now. they feel it everyday. Every morning when they open their eyes, they think of how they have to get through the day by spending the least amount of money. They do not get the luxary of sitting in a cinema, watching their favourite film with people they love because they spend most their time working and getting themselves and their family through.

Also these people will face serious self-esteem issues as people despise them .I'm sure we all know how it feels like when we fail. Useless and never good enough to achieve anything. These people feel this way amost all the time as they feel that they have no position in the society .

Often ,these people feel like giving up more than everyone else and it's people like us that sympathises them that keep them going. It's people like us that can brighten up their day just by saying little words of encouragement and letting them know that people actually cares.

So it's time to stop by when you see uncles and aunties selling tissue and just spend 2 minutes of your time taking out a dollar of two to help these people that are in need. It's time to stand up for those who are being despised . It's time to make a slot in your free time to help those in need of you.

Start making these stoppages because these little changes in your life actually plays a significant part in changing another.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

I hope it actually reminded those that heard to start helping .

Those words speaks it all. I should stop being so afraid of the worst that would happen. Just do it. I need to stop being so scared to free myself. Stop being afraid of people leaving but welcome those who come. and if they leave, Deal with it.

HI ALL ! These are all my mates. and i farking love them. WE ARE GOING TO BE PLAYING IYSC. For the sec 3s its the second time! Its not gonna be easy but there's going to be hell lots of fun cause we are all fun peoplee <3

I really hope we make it to top 4 , we are capable you know ! LETS GO GIRLZ  ! woooohooo its our time. Coach is leaving so we gonna do well for her. The seniors didn't trial for this so we can play ,we gotta do well and do them proud! WOOOHOOOOOOOO IYSC IYSC IYSC!  GO GO GO!

Okay , will only be back next sat night , gna have hell lots of fun on party nighttt byee all!

MUACKS HAHA

Hiii kk , i just changed some stuff on my blog. I'm not exactly good at such stuff so yeah blame me for my incompetency in making a nice looking background or whatever. HAHA

Oh well , this gif above is from tumblr. hmmm idk how i'm going to do it but i will. However my thoughts change throughout the years , one thing that is crystal clear is that my parents are the most important people. And I HAVE to give them a good life ahead. Their lives ain't as easy as it seems to be. nobody knows exactly all the shit they have been through including me but they made it through and brought me up healthy and good condition. I really don't get how people can bear to hate their parents and even go to the extend of hitting them. WTF is your conscience? have you forgotten how you got into this world?!

okay, i'll be helping out in the P6 camp tomorrow till Wed. kinda dread it actually... i mean it got me all tied up. but its the contribution ihave to make as an exco i guess? And as much as i condemn my position as an exco i still wanna prove that i'm fit to be there .hahha weird weird weird.

Anyway, i went to USS with Carina yesterday. She is really nice. but i really don't get how she can go on talking about korean pop ALL THE TIME. like literally.  and she goes crazy over the CYLON in USS. hahahha but its quite cute. though i kinda understand why people always make fun of her (cause she disturbs ppl first) but i still think people should empathise her sometimes

and i should stop being sad so much. i don't even know why sometimes but i just am.its like it feels wrong not to be sad. but no its completely okay to be happy okay (;

kkkk i have to start packinggg byeeee