Hello, Happy Chinese New year! this CNY have been alright. pretty special.been to places and met more people , important people.

Thursdayyyyy . Relapse LOL kidding. but i hate myself for that. its always there somewhere and i hate getting all sad. i'll get over it soon.

NORTH ZONE BEGINS.

yeah , first game on friday against Seng Kang Sec. cleareddd. I was having cramps and it sucks.Zzzzz

It'll be the 1st of feb next wed which means one month have passsed and its really fast! one month closer to chinese Os! i really dk how am i gonna take it but i'll be fine!

anddd hmmmmph! you are so special to me. I don't even know how to explain why. but thank god i have you around to make me feel a lil better sometimes. Thank you for making me feel so special and loved (:

trolololol. Week starting. Keep Working, keep going.

Be Stronger each day.

3rd week of school! So much happened and North Zone is starting next friday!

North Zone team is out

Aqilah ,Ting Fang , Avelyn , Syazana ,Yuan Min ,Dinah ,Regine, myself , Liz , Sya , Olivia Chen and Deborah

Its pretty sad for some of us. Unlucky .in fact i somehow wish i could give up my spot for another person. but i guess ,it must have been tough for Nory to pick with pressure from people around.

But for now, i just have to train hard , train for them! ya, we'll do well this year !

but its pretty annoying how some people just have to keep comparing nory's training with coach. its like they both have their strengths. its like so once you change a coach you'll keep sticking to old coach's style. Be Teachable that's how everyone learns n to better themselves!

Anyway, Have an awesome Chinese New year! :D

LOL you never ever let me off do you. till i get all submissive n then satrt saying that im all submissive . haha Fug the fugging off. I'm not giving in , i don't have to. besides there's nothing wrong.

Hello I've removed my chat box cause its full of problems please still do comment on any post if you feel like it. thank you (:

PARTAYEEEEEEE! no more :x

This first week of school , of 2012, many things happened.

Training under Noraida now, being pushed real hard and I realised how unfit i am! But i love going through the frustrating track trainings and push myself beyond what I can do. However , I am suffering from the fatigue from training. Falling asleep in class , being tired almost every single day. I hope its juts me getting use to it and I will soon settle down.

Having said all about how I am enjoying training, I kinda enjoy studying too. Going throught frustrations, lots of explanation and finally getting it! It's just really nice sometimes. I hope this positive attitude of mine stays, i need it to keep me going.

Having to complete all the given work till late and waking up early for morning training. Both of these seriously doesn't go well together but it is actually what we are all doing. and How.. how howw are we going to sustain it? how?

The NZ coach that was supposed to be here, backed out and so we are now left with one and only Noraida. It must have been really tough on her! And so the teachers spoke to me saying how i should step up in being a leader etc etc.

And council! Exco member ,they are expecting a lot aren't they? but sometimes I really just dislike working with certain people . And how? just shut up , listen and do. Some people are always right for some reason.

This is my last year in Sports School and i really want to end it off well.

Studying hard , training hard , step up in leading..

Good results , Playing well , be a good leader .

And how am i supposed to do all these at once? How....?

I really don't know but I'm trying , there is definitely a way and i'm going to make it out well (:

Anyway , i had a brilliant start to 2012.

& I am grateful for having amazing people around me.

dearest you , We'll make it through <3

Goodnight all.

Sorry for posting this a week after New Year but to all that reads , Happy New Year! May you have a Fruitful and memorable year ahead ! <3

This year is crucial , really is. On a serious note, it actually defines my future. Well, it may not be that serious but my results this year would define how hard I've got to work in future. & the thought of not being able to do well just kills me a little inside.

It's going to be tough, really tough but yeah, I'm up for it. Overcoming my lazy self, my unnecessary negative thoughts , the fatigue from training , my struggle to complete the work etc etc. so much more. But really , I've got to do all these well this time , this year , 2012.

I know , I am going to be alright somehow , this final year, the sprinting round, I've go to push on like i never did.

Keep Going everyone, Don't ever fucking give up ,

Happy 2012 once again.

Or will people just give up and go away? It's 3 and I'm watching this drama . the twist of events in this drama makes me think ,think ,think and think. It's not as simple as it seems . its gonna be so tough so tough but this time i seem to really want it. which is dangerous because if it fails, it's gonna hurt so bad , so bad.

but that's the price for it right?

Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas like i did. <3

15th is over. 16th is over. the party is over. Well, i feel all free all of a sudden. That night was great. Many shit that happened. but i guess it was all worth while. Pretty good experience. All young and all we ask for is fun. It should only happen once in awhile though, too many is unhealthy.

For now, i really dk what to expect for whats gonna happen next year. one thing i know, i do not look forward to it. Seriously, reflecting on whatever that happened this year. I dislike how i handle many stuff that happened. On the other hand, I am quite happy with all the changes that took place in my life thisyear. i've learnt so much more and from so many little things. Oh well, Lets just hope for the best next year!

Recently, I've been thinking much less. Which is quite nice. but i guess its cause its the holidays and i don't have much to think about! And i hope i'd be able to sustain it. because it sucks to think..that..much.

okay i'm watching ghetto justice. damn lazy to continue for todayyy nighttt!

I went through  leadership workshop conducted by halogen foundation. Day 1 ,we were told to come back the next day with a 3 minutes speech about anything with a vison so i choose to write on "Helping the poor" . i managed to complete it during my mrt ride from bishan to school. hehehe so this is it!

Helping the Poor

Money don't last forever and i'm sure everyone have experienced being out of money and at the same time in need of it. The overwhelming frustration when you really need a few more dollars or even cents to get your favourite snack.It happens to fortunate people like us once in awhile because we can't really control our use of money .

However , Have you ever stopped and feel for the less fortunate? Well let me tell you now. they feel it everyday. Every morning when they open their eyes, they think of how they have to get through the day by spending the least amount of money. They do not get the luxary of sitting in a cinema, watching their favourite film with people they love because they spend most their time working and getting themselves and their family through.

Also these people will face serious self-esteem issues as people despise them .I'm sure we all know how it feels like when we fail. Useless and never good enough to achieve anything. These people feel this way amost all the time as they feel that they have no position in the society .

Often ,these people feel like giving up more than everyone else and it's people like us that sympathises them that keep them going. It's people like us that can brighten up their day just by saying little words of encouragement and letting them know that people actually cares.

So it's time to stop by when you see uncles and aunties selling tissue and just spend 2 minutes of your time taking out a dollar of two to help these people that are in need. It's time to stand up for those who are being despised . It's time to make a slot in your free time to help those in need of you.

Start making these stoppages because these little changes in your life actually plays a significant part in changing another.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

I hope it actually reminded those that heard to start helping .

Those words speaks it all. I should stop being so afraid of the worst that would happen. Just do it. I need to stop being so scared to free myself. Stop being afraid of people leaving but welcome those who come. and if they leave, Deal with it.

HI ALL ! These are all my mates. and i farking love them. WE ARE GOING TO BE PLAYING IYSC. For the sec 3s its the second time! Its not gonna be easy but there's going to be hell lots of fun cause we are all fun peoplee <3

I really hope we make it to top 4 , we are capable you know ! LETS GO GIRLZ  ! woooohooo its our time. Coach is leaving so we gonna do well for her. The seniors didn't trial for this so we can play ,we gotta do well and do them proud! WOOOHOOOOOOOO IYSC IYSC IYSC!  GO GO GO!

Okay , will only be back next sat night , gna have hell lots of fun on party nighttt byee all!

MUACKS HAHA

Hiii kk , i just changed some stuff on my blog. I'm not exactly good at such stuff so yeah blame me for my incompetency in making a nice looking background or whatever. HAHA

Oh well , this gif above is from tumblr. hmmm idk how i'm going to do it but i will. However my thoughts change throughout the years , one thing that is crystal clear is that my parents are the most important people. And I HAVE to give them a good life ahead. Their lives ain't as easy as it seems to be. nobody knows exactly all the shit they have been through including me but they made it through and brought me up healthy and good condition. I really don't get how people can bear to hate their parents and even go to the extend of hitting them. WTF is your conscience? have you forgotten how you got into this world?!

okay, i'll be helping out in the P6 camp tomorrow till Wed. kinda dread it actually... i mean it got me all tied up. but its the contribution ihave to make as an exco i guess? And as much as i condemn my position as an exco i still wanna prove that i'm fit to be there .hahha weird weird weird.

Anyway, i went to USS with Carina yesterday. She is really nice. but i really don't get how she can go on talking about korean pop ALL THE TIME. like literally.  and she goes crazy over the CYLON in USS. hahahha but its quite cute. though i kinda understand why people always make fun of her (cause she disturbs ppl first) but i still think people should empathise her sometimes

and i should stop being sad so much. i don't even know why sometimes but i just am.its like it feels wrong not to be sad. but no its completely okay to be happy okay (;

kkkk i have to start packinggg byeeee

HI ALL, I'm feeling a lot better today. So much to do . I'm working towards being fine. daddy is all cooled. mummy is still as .........errrr asking dumb questions and irritating me and herself hahahhahah. okay okay training again! night all !

Just done with episode 27 of the HK drama im watching now...its about this undercover and how he worked his way thru to accomplish his mission. he had to be with this lady and got to the stage when they almost got married and a few days before their marriage he got the evidence. the girl was crying her eyes out. I feel her.  it sucks you know.

And to relate it to my life now, there's so many lies. not intended ,not said just lies in my eyes. my family. 4 of us and its supposed to be blissful happy and yeah warm. but no, we don't know one another at all. we are even more distant than friends. maybe its just like that within families nowadays but to me , it seems like a fucking big lie i've told myself about fortunate me having a complete family. and the best part is, i have no guts and ways to help improve the situation. i...Always...let..it ...be.

it just adds on the how fucking useless i am.

Don't worry though, i'll be fine.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Lately, there seem to have so many people getting heartbroken. and i feel for them. how it aches and all. But i'm so glad I'm out of it. There's no need to be serious at all because EVERYONE leaves. There's no fucking forever in young relationships . It doesn't work like Math, not the more you do the better you get ,NO. I've got myself all broken and I've learnt to protect myself. In fact i don't really know if i am actually okay yet. But i will be.

I WILL BE.

I know this very well but i just have to say it! THE HELPLESS FEELINGS IS OVERWHELMING AND I REALLY DISLIKE IT ...oh well, who does?

HIIII ALLL MY EXAMS ARE OVER AND HERE ARE MY LOVELY ROOMMATES :D

They are sooooo cute i love them :* Once exams were over, we watched 3 movies. Paranaormal activity 3 and human centipede on the 2nd Nov . Human Centipede 2 on the 3rd! Human Centipede 2 grossed the shit out of me. i was literally wanting to puke when i watched certain parts. but it was quite well thought i mean why would anyone think of such a story line?!  Paranormal Activity 3 wasn't as scary as i thought but its pretty freaky... I watched Jennifer's body last night. It was scary as in i thought it'd be a comedy . hahaha but stilll not bad... I'm Watching Whats your number now !

byeeee! :D

Hi Meet my Korean close friend SHIN WON TAEEEE! This was taken during the last few hours of last year hehe.

He thinks he's a hunk yknow! Pretty much true but girls seems to be going head over heels cause of him. And he said cause he's a korean hehehe maybe cause i'm not very into small eyes boys or even Kpop so i don't think so hehehe. but i love him anyway! He's reallyyy witty ,coming out with funny replies in just a snap of his fingers . He listens to me when i need someone ,he shares with me about many things and he never gets bored of my nonsense stories .(or maybe he does ,he just didn't wanna make me feel bad) hahahaa and he's academically incline! In fact , to me he's really successful . being independent is like peeing to him already.

He's so tough. Without his mum and all kind of influenece he still managed to study hard and do well. If i were him , i would have been wild. hahahaha Girls haven't been appreciating him like he deserve to and hopefully ,he'll find someone that will overlook his flaws and appreciate every single side of him !!!I really appreciate his presence . He made me feel less lonely so many times . I would call him at night sometimes after a long hectic day just to have a chat and he's always there (:

Thank you shinnnn!

All i hope for is him to do well for his up  coming Olevels and get into a good college (though he'd be good anywhere he goes)

SHIN WON TAE! You've gone thru shit with friends ,girls and family and you're still going strong and confident , i really admire you for that okay! ALL THE WAY SHIN!!!

HI This is Nicholas Lim Yi. Doesn't he look like a drug addict? hahahahaha opps!

Soooooo.... I only knew him a few months back .In July ? I knew him through Won Tae and we got along really well idk why but yeah we did! He's very much a boy from a boy school. I mean , the way he acts and things he say hahaha. but its cool! He's a very brother person thouuu hehehe. Silly boy that cared a lot for Won Tae when he sense WT was down. Though he didn't really react or know what to do but he still notices. He's the only child so i guess it speaks for how he acts sometimes. hahah like how he likes the attention of girls hahaha its really funny sometimes. but i do enjoy his company and talking and sharing with him toooooo!:D

ALL THE BEST  FOR OS NICCCC!! BELIEVE IN YOURSELFFFFF YEAH!!! GO GO GO!

I love these boys , its never stressful being around them hehehe <3

HIII All! This is Angela Tan!  I'm not exactly very close to her but i find her really pretty and sweet looking! She's reeallllly nice too. one of the few that actually regard my noisy "HIIIII"s as something that brightens up her day. Even i thought its pretty annoying sometims but i'd do it anyway LOL haha. she lives on the same level as meee and she's graduating already ,how fast!! All the Best Angieeee in your future , i'm sure you'd be successful!! (:

As you all noticed, those ugly black rings surronding my eyes. they loooook realllly horrible. hahaha I really can't wait to get out of this crazy routine.But i tell myself that its just 2 weeks! just 2 weeeks!!! Yesterday after school around 1 when i was free , i had to wait till 4 for training so i went to the void deck to do math to prevent myself from touching the bed and then went up only at 330 . but i was shagged during training man though i managed to shake it off after awhileee. thurs night i also made myself finish a section of math before sleeping at 130. its madness but thats how people with good grades do isn't? But for me i'm striving for my personal best . Keeeep Going Oli!! And all my fellow Sports Schoolers (if you are even reading this) 

HARD WORK PAYS OFF ! KEEEEP ON PUSHING ALRIGHTTTT!!!

Grad night ! picture with jonnnnyyy! gna miss him!

Hi All

This post is about my weekend . This weekend was a disaster. i wished i didn't have to be home.

I stay home, feeling so tired yet i was doing nothing. I didn't wanna do anything on my saturday . I wanted a rest day. And i did , but i was always thinking of how i need to catch up with studying. so i decided to sleep early n so i can wake up early but that didn't work, i couldn't sleep. i kept thinking of all sorts of things. And feel how unwanted ,lousy i am. 

I woke up today, cursing myself already for being so horrible for not being able to wake up early enough to do work. Its minor i know but its just its so annoying how i can't even get simple things right. But today was sad.. it was a fking sad day. I don't even know why.

I was crying for idk what reason. And when i couldn't do a math question i was pissed ! so damn mad at how i suck so bad. and throughout the weekend i can't help but think about all the relationships i've been into. and the lonely feeling i get every single time i'm free.My phone, its never ringing. like literally. I happy that it doesn't but whenever i think of how nice it was to have somebody to tell me that I'm good and supporting me and somebody to joke and cry with it just hurts. Sometimes its just so tempting to wanna text someone knowing they would fall in love with you all over again if you tried but no.... the thought of having someone to listen and endure my rants and frust... its horrible. i think i'd be single all my life haha but i'm only 15. so forgive my unnecessary insecurities.

On thursday was ,grad night. and i was the Emcee.Idk why but i've always wanted to be one but always thought i couldn't. and this time teachers actually reccommended me. i really thought i would screw up but i was so afraid that this thought would screw me up so i stopped thinking like that. but i did well  . i mean i made a lot less mistakes than rehearsal . but just when i thought i did well, people had to crush them all up.

I wen back too the room and the very first comment made was, " your voice was deafening my ears" something along that lines. LOL i seriously didn't want to hear more you know. then more came and said the same thing but they were saying that its just the volume and stuff but i read well. haha i mean its not so fking easy as it seems to be. i couldn't hear myself like the people hear me ,believe it or not.

beside the fact that i went too near the mic sometime i thought it was pretty good. it was nice working it out and having it done. i feel accomplished after a very long time. and another thing i wanna highlight is my mod 7 chem test. 29half /30 :D ! i did alot  and was really confident about it so its really nice .

OKAY MMT! LETS GO LETS GO!!!!!!

Holaaa. idk why this picture but i just felt that i look really different here. hahahAnyway, thats meliana. she's my awesome classmate and her laughters brightens up my day in fact anyone's day MUHAHHAHAHA she's really cuteee. :D

Soooooo what am i gna blog about? idk actually. okay maybe lets start with my results.

2 As ,1 C and the rest Bs. Nothing to be proud of, nothing i'm good at. seriously! but i'll work hard okay  i will. I don't have a choice.

yknow what sucks most, i don't have a dream. Absolutely nothing i'm working towards at. i wish i knew what i wanna be and if i can be or not. Everyone else doesn't either but ... sigh. it sucks to be aimless. I don't get how people even be aimless for so long. Maybe i'm thinking too much ,i should just do well in whatever i have to for now. but i really wanna study overseas. but then again , i never wanna use a single of my parents money for that. so that means ,a scholarship! what the ffaaaark am i going to do to get that? using what? sigh. sigh

Netball.

Its cool that this is still in my life . i'm getting better at it i guess? but still never CONSISTENT and it sucks! i mean, i can't maintain good play. and i have to , thats actually whats pulling me down. i need to focus more. focus focus focus

Others.

what are there? love life? haha i've decided is extremely irrelevant. besides i do not believe in sweet words and all the forever shit every ever again, well i use to hahahahahha. so if i get involve, i might get ppl hurt again. so nahhhhhhhhh. social life? my friends and stuff? well, friends and all. they are all fine. my classmates are really aweeeeesome. i mean seriously, i've never expected us to be this close. Everyone's cool (: Teammateeeessss! i think we've achieved a lot more than we expected you know. Recently , we beat RP. a team that consists 7 of our seniors and 1 NSL player. they are good and idk how but we beat them! 31-24. Really proud of us. So much potential in us. i still wished the other 3 were still here.

okayyyyy thats all for now

AS MUCH AS how i enjoy twitter's comapany, sometimes, i seriously dislike the stuff i read from there. It gets everything in my head spinning and all the emotions from all over me twirl up.

And it pains me a lot a lot a lot. Its like just when i thought things were fine between things ,one just have to state otherwise. and i question myself over and over again ,What have i overlooked . I don't remember ,but from things one says, i must have been blind.

It sucks to have someone coplaining about the flaws and say nothing when there's joy.

but then again, i understand thats its they way one thinks and its not anyone's fault that they having thinking like that. Everyone reacts differently.

Stabing here smiling there. sometimes its not always the case.

okay idk if this works for everyone but it is how it works for me.

When i do not like one ,its just about certain things they do and only when they do that something. but i do enjoy every single one's company when they do not do things that i don't really agree to. its not all about pretending. its about separating and know what you're feeling. they do not come in a whole. you decide what you feel about different side of one person. you do not have to feel the same way all the time isn't it?

its like i get annoyed and i dislike how my mother adds salt to the wound every single time my dad is scolding my bro but when normally, i enjoy her company.

its tough getting ppl together but i'm not letting go.

okay i suddenly felt like posting about this factopr that affected my life.

okay idk wheats your view about relationships in teenagers but i had mine. and i've always be real loyal and i really try my best to love . so what do i actually mean?

at p4, this guy liked me. he texted me . yeah so young and silly right! so yeah we texted lovey dovey stuff which were really silly and after he went for a holiday and came back he just stopped and yeah nothing happened. i was waiting for him to come back and text me okay! don't laugh! hahaha that taught me sth but it didn't really affected me.

and then at like middle of p5 this senior of mine like me he confessed and stuff and we texted and then we were so called together cause were texting lovey dovey stuff. then i was still texting him when he was sec1 . and then he didn't reply slowly slowly slowy. Okay i was affected okay. i was waiting for him and sutff , asshole. but it wasn't that bad. i just learnt a bigger lesson.

sec 1! gone case . this time everything was real. went out on dates. just like those love movies. and i was all ready to commit and everything. but then it all ended. just like that it ended! devastating okay............

i've always been loyal and ehatever shit. i even believed i would be those 1 in a million that would have my r/s last all the way to marraige. like really and that actually was part of why it was so devastating. it hurts so bad so bad sooooo bad! but i never showed it. because i didn't wanted to look weak. or even close to weak. but the whole of last year and even this year i still cry and dwell over those memories. i know if i were to say all these to my bro he'll probably say idk what love is and im just dumb and stuff. true enough i might not know what love is but the pain was real. it was so fucking painful.

the numbness everywhere after crying so hard. the sharp ache in the heart. the tiredness due to those crying . i just cry and cry and cry and cry! silent cries. and after that i never really trusted anyone. maybe went out for dates but i didn't like anyone seriously. till end of last year and start of this year.... i was serious at first. i wanted to be till school started and i kinda expected him to be like the person i was with in sec 1. it didn't work out well. and it all fell out.

actually ever since sec one. a lot decisions i made were afffected. i wouldn't have said it or anything but they were. in any aspects of my life. i don't even know now if whatever my life is now is eactly what i wanna be but whatever. i'll just see how it goes.... okay byee!

I'M back from Perth and i enjoyed it!! It was really fun and i got to know many of my mates more! they aren't that geek after all! all really fun people ! (: Perth has great scenaries! BREATHTAKING! i miss perth already and its weather.... okay will update more soon seeya mate!